Pre-owned

He: If you were to buy a car, which would you like?

She: I'd like to have a SUV. Any pre-owned Japanese make will do just fine.

He: I thought you eschew junk English as I. Guess not. I shouldn't be so critical. The pot calling the pan black.

She: I meant a certified pre-owned Toyota or something.

He: I was referring to the hyphenated word pre-owned.

She: What's wrong with the word?

He: The word is a marketing new-speak. It creates an illusion of exceptional value and class. A used car sounds...so used and abused. Filthy, rusty, bad motor, gums stuck to the seat, and wipers don't work. Now, on the other hand, a pre-owned car is handled with kid glove. It is inspected, cleaned, and polished before the manager would allow it to be sold.

She: That's exactly right. A car buyer should get the best deal and service from the dealer. Owning a used car sounds so icky. Anyway, I like the sound of owning a pre-owned car.

He: My point is, used is used. Why call it something else and muddle the meaning? One of the problems with junk English is it uses multi-syllable pompous words and phrases to supplant the perfectly good and concise words we all know. Moreover, junk English takes more effort to speak and write, and yet it requires further explaining before it's understood.

She: I see what you mean. 'Pre-owned' is an unnecessarily cumbersome and fuzzy two-syllable word which the one syllable word 'used' will suffice in writing and speaking. Give me a few more examples.

He:An 'Educator'. A four-syllable word aims to convey more prestige than just being a 'teacher'. 'I am in between jobs' takes the edge off of being 'unemployed'. And a 'negative growth' assumes a serious professorial air as opposed to saying a 'loss' in profit.

Why are you sucking on your teeth?

She: I get the idea. Oh, I was eating some trail-mix earlier and a sliver of cashew or something got wedged in between the molars.

He: Let me see. I have a pre-owned toothpick somewhere in the drawer. Give me a sec. I'll find it for you.

She: Get real!